Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Kryptonite for everyone

We all have our weaknesses. Junkies like a bit of smack, arseholes buy Audis, those who value style above all else are drawn to Bang & Olufsen stereos, and orange women with too much makeup and bleach-blonde hair need extra large wardrobes to house their collections of shoes and handbags.
Some of these weaknesses can have a profound effect on others, whereas others are more discreet and may not be obvious to anyone other than the person involved.

I'm certainly not without my vices, but leaving aside things like the pink and moist side of the internet and the countless hours spent playing 'Farming Simulator 15' on the Playstation, the really big one for me is alcohol.
Don't get me wrong, I don't drink to excess, but the urge is always there. I'm fortunate that I possess a great deal of self control because otherwise I'd be in a pretty bad way.
I just find great enjoyment in wine, whisky, rum, beer, port etc, and if it's in the house it'll be calling to me. The urge I really have to fight is when I get home from work, at which point the desire for a beer is huge, and when I'm cooking it only seems right to have a glass of wine on the go.
I like the taste, and I enjoy that slightly fluffy feeling that seems to knock the corners off the world, but I also know when to stop.
Even though I enjoy it and I manage to keep my consumption within sensible limits (nobody wants one of those big strawberry noses or to damage their liver) I still feel that alcohol has a grip on me.
A few years ago I went teetotal for about a year, and at the same time I also stopped drinking caffeine. During this time (after the caffeine withdrawal had abated) I felt better than I could have imagined. I was happier, I felt healthier, and the world seemed like a better place.
Eventually I caved in, although I don't remember why, and alcohol and (to a far lesser extent) caffeine found their way back into my life.

I regularly beat myself up about the drink, but somehow never quite make the break to quitting it.
I tell myself that a large glass of wine or a triple measure of rum a day, with a day or two a week without alcohol to give the liver a break isn't a problem but I know that if my self control were to weaken, there is the potential for things to go very pear-shaped.
At the moment there are three or four bottles of wine in the rack (including a bottle of Barolo and a nice Chablis) and there's a little bit of Captain Morgan spiced rum left, and it strikes me that what I need to do is finish up what's in stock and then quit completely.
It will be tough - I've done it before but this time I just need to stick with it. The only question is, can I find something more wholesome to fill the hole left by the alcohol?
One can but try.