Thursday, 6 November 2014

Le Freak

Looking back at my previous post, I can see I wrote it from a rather dark place.
Luckily there are things that lift you back up when you're down, like talking things through with a loved one, watching a TV programme about people far less fortunate than yourself, or even just reading something that puts life into perspective for you.

In a recent post on a blog I enjoy reading by John Gray called 'Going Gently' he listed a few odd habits of his. I had a good chuckle at this, and it also got me thinking. I reckon anyone could write a similar list of their own if they were to analyse themselves closely enough and be honest about those things that others might consider a bit strange.
So I've given it some thought and come up with my own list of behavioural and psychological oddities.

1. I must be the only man who hates the toilet seat being left up.
2. The volume on the car radio must be on either an even number or a multiple of five, otherwise the universe will come to an end.
3. I have a very real fear of crowds, especially if I can't see an exit.
4. I hate talking on the phone.
5. Ants - kill 'em all!
6. Large volumes of water get me jittery, particularly around locks and weirs.
7. I feel very uncomfortable in shops that sell expensive stuff, and have an overwhelming urge to punch the snooty assistants in the face when they look down their nose at me.
8. The coasters on the coffee table have to be straight and aligned.
9. I'll spend ages making sure the cheese accurately covers the toast before putting it under the grill.
10. The kitchen knives must be super sharp at all times.
11. A 20 mile detour is preferable to sitting in a traffic queue for fifteen minutes.
12. A computer must respond within 0.25 seconds to any command, otherwise I want to introduce it to a large hammer.
13. I can't help whistling the theme to The Muppet Show when I've been dealing with inept students.
14. Tattoos on women are my biggest turn-off - even more than smoking.
15. Can't be near smelly people.
16. Still find farts to be a wonderful source of entertainment, despite being 43.
17. Don't like cats, but they have an inexplicable fondness for me. I'm sure they just like to wind me up.
18. Really don't like driving at night in the rain.
19. I stubbornly refuse to own or wear slippers.
20. The excitement generated by the proximity of guns could be a bit worrying.
21. I don't get why anyone would make a conscious decision to wear corduroy or tweed.
22. I don't trust things I don't understand.
23. I don't do Christmas.
24. Confidence is attractive, but vanity is not.
25. I consider religion to be the greatest cause of trouble in the world.
26. There's nothing better at the end of the day than brushed cotton sheets.
27. I know I locked the door, I remember doing it, but I still need to check I locked it again.
28. I become irritable and generally unpleasant when I'm hungry.
29. I'd rather be hungry or thirsty than consume poor quality food or drink.
30. I generally consider 'Everyone does it' to be the best reason to not do it.

Now this is just an abridged version of my issues, but already I'm concerned that there's enough material to deserve a prolonged stay at the funny farm. But here's the thing - we all have our own little habits and preferences. Sometimes they're more irrational or unconventional than others, but variety is, as they say, the spice of life.
So maybe it's time to relax about these things. Be who you are, allow others to be who they are, and embrace your inner freak.