Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Supporting role

Oh well, there goes the diet. I managed about ten days of enforced denial, counting the calories in everything and limiting myself to about 1200 calories a day. The result? Misery. There's only so much water you can drink to flush away the stomach acid that's queuing up to set to work on the usual pile of biscuits and sausage rolls that normally descends in the evening. I did manage to shed 3 or 4 pounds, but the resolve failed completely tonight when we had a curry delivered. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.
So I'm sitting here full of lamb bhuna, mushroom pilau rice, onion bhajee and peshwari nan, contemplating swapping my jeans for a pair of elasticated tracky bottoms; something with a bit of give to accommodate both the food and the inevitable build-up of noxious gasses that will ensure the duvet will be floating six inches above the bed tonight. Worth it though.
The diet isn't my only failure recently. Apparently it was national 'No Bra' day yesterday, and I was completely unaware of it until it was too late. I think most people missed the memo on that one, because I suspect that of all people I would have noticed such behaviour. The idea was that women everywhere would go braless for a day to raise awareness of breast cancer, but clearly the concept of publicity had passed the organisers by.
As appealing as this idea is to a boob fan such as myself, I wonder what would really be accomplished by it. Everyone is aware of the existence of breasts and breast cancer, so what else is there to say? Any woman who doesn't know about self-examination etc is either stupid or living under a rock cut off from the rest of the world.
Obviously I applaud anything that might coerce women out of those awful padded bras which are the scourge of the modern world, spoiling the fun for men everywhere, but on the other hand there are some who would be advised to make more use of such things. I know one woman who never wears a bra, which combined with her being of mature years means she appears to have something resembling a pair of spaniel's ears under her shirt.
If 'No Bra' day did actually make a difference, you can be sure it would expand to cover other aspects of personal health. In the same way that having started off with 'mother's day', we're now surrounded by 'father's day', 'grandparent's day' and all manner of other opportunities to crow-bar a few more quid out of all the country's gullible inhabitants in return for a silly bit of printed card that will be in the bin the following day.
Perhaps we should have 'No Underpants' day to raise awareness of testicular cancer? Or maybe 'No Shoes' day to bring verrucas to people's attention?
With a bit of ingenuity there's room here for us to have a special awareness day every week of the year, but hopefully the subject of hemorrhoids can be avoided because I dread to think what such a campaign would involve.

I... errr.... sorry, what was I supposed to be more aware of?