Sunday, 24 November 2013

Useless

I've always been someone who needs to be doing something. Sitting around for endless hours is not something that comes naturally to me, so it has been a serious culture shock to be able to do nothing but sit on the sofa with my busted leg up. The only thing that has enabled me to maintain my tentative grip on reality has been the countless hours spent playing 'Red Dead Redemption' on the xbox. The levels of frustration are incredible as suddenly I find myself unable to carry out the simplest of tasks; having to rely on others to do practically everything for me. It's pretty much all I can do to get to the bathroom and back and even after that I'm out of breath. The past fortnight of inactivity has left me so weak it's unbelievable. I wasn't exactly a gym-honed adonis before all this but even I find my current physical state distressing.

Friday saw me attending the fracture clinic at the hospital where I was booked in for my first operation which will take place tomorrow. The consultant explained that the knee joint will be opened up and metal plates put in to keep the bone fragments together in both the [tibia?] and the femur. Once these have healed sufficiently there will be the surgery to repair the damaged ligament which will be keyhole so at least my knee won't need to be opened up a second time. I've never had surgery before and if it wasn't for the side effects of all the codeine I'm taking I'd be shitting myself.
I've been through so much crap this year and just as things started improving for me, this happens. Maybe I'm being punished - maybe it's karma. All I know is that I've never felt so low and even putting on a brave face is a strain. Luckily I'm surrounded by a strong support team of family and friends who I know I'd be lost without and for them I'm truly thankful.

So tomorrow it's off to hospital again, and hopefully I won't have to stay too long, coping with that awful food....
Then I suppose I'd better get a wheel chair organised so I can get about more efficiently and try to rebuild some sort of life beyond the sofa.

PS - it's now 8:40pm and I have to admit that the prospect of being cut open tomorrow by someone who's like a cross between a butcher and a workshop teacher is scaring the shit out of me.