There's a reason I started doing this blog, and oddly enough it was thanks to a certain well known social network website. Thanks, that is, to it being the most colossal waste of time ever.
Now I know that these sites have their uses so I'm not going to slag them off too harshly. Many people use them to keep in touch with family and friends all over the world, but for the majority it seems that they're little more than a place to impart every little detail of their dull mundane lives under the misguided notion that anyone actually gives a damn.
My life is generally pretty dull and uneventful, and most people if they're honest would say the same of themselves, but I don't think I've ever felt the need to show the world a photo of what I'm having for dinner. I mean why would someone feel the need to do that?
Most posts on the website in question seem to fall into one of two categories.
First is the obvious life-bores. These are the posts that tell you everything and nothing. 'I'm in the pub', 'Just been to the gym', 'Two nil down - that ref's a wanker', etc. We've all seen it and just for the record, we don't bloody care!!! If you've nothing to say, say nothing!
The other category of posts is the braggers. You know the ones - 'Just got back from the Carribean, here's all my photos of us swanning around in luxury and sunshine while you plebs were stuck in Blighty being rained on!', or 'Had to replace the car because hubby needs to commute further now.' which roughly translates as 'Just bought a brand new BMW 'cos hubby's got a swanky new job with a big salary; now don't you all feel inadequate?'.
If you met either of these types in the real social world you'd be looking for the nearest exit and desperately trying to think of an excuse to run away. These are the same people who make it their life's mission to accumulate as many 'friends' as possible in their online world because they've little hope of getting any at all in the real world.
There ended up being a number of things that wound me up about that website, especially when someone posted a comment which made you think there was something important going on or that they really needed to talk to someone, and I'd post a response in the hope I might be able to help. Any comeback? As if. Seriously, why make a comment (especially one that makes people worry about you) if you're just going to leave it hanging in the breeze with everyone else left scratching their heads wondering what it was all about?
Special mention must also go to all the garbage that filled up my newsfeed about everyone else's scores on some game or other. 'So-and-so got a high score on 'Chicken Molester', why don't you have a try?'. Tempting, but no thanks. And as for 'Farmville' - please just stop it, OK?
So anyway, in an effort to try and mix things up a bit and provoke a little light-hearted conversation I made the occasional post that could easily have made people think about things, have an exchange of views, reminisce or whatever, and I'd sit back and wait for the responses to flood in. And what happened? Fuck all.
People were happy to post follow-up comments on the plethora of 'in the pub' and 'United played crap today' stuff, but my attempts to shake things up a bit failed miserably. After a while I realised I was wasting my time and decided instead to delete my [unmentionable website] profile and write my little posts on a blog. It didn't matter if nobody read it because it seemed nobody took any interest anyway, but it gave me something to do.
So Captain Custard was born thanks to my primary indulgence being custard cream biscuits, and the pigeon supper referred to the pigeons I'd shoot in the back garden (yes it was a real pigeon's head I was holding in my original profile pic) and eat for supper. Simple really, with the added benefit that when the two things are put together the title looks like something created by a raving lunatic.
Which it probably is.