Sunday, 31 March 2013

Bring on the global warming so I can turn off the bloody heating

It's that time of year again, when you wander round the house putting all the clocks forward an hour. Well, not all of them obviously. Where would the fun be if you didn't miss at least one, just so that in a few weeks time you have an excuse to be late for something. Deliberate or not, there's bound to be one that gets missed. Like the one in the garden.... oh, and the one in the car as well..... damn...
Twice a year we go through this ritual - spring forward, fall back - and every time we do it we grumble and moan to each other about "why the hell do we bother?". I bet that whoever the people are that make the decision for us to continue doing it grumble about it too, so how come those with the power let it continue?
It really wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to our lives if the clocks were all set to Greenwich mean time and were just left there.
Putting the clocks forward to 'British summer time' creates the idea in our minds that all is well, we're moving into warm weather, the promise of sunshine and long evenings in the garden with few troubles and lots of wine. And citronella candles to keep the bitey things away.
The reality is that despite twiddling the hand on my watch by 360 degrees the weather has not magically transformed into a tropical paradise. The trees are still brown and devoid of foliage, the pigeons still haven't started their annual bout of prolific shagging, and it's still bloody cold. So much for global warming.
The scientists keep banging on about how we're destroying the planet with our pollution; that we're responsible for a global rise in temperatures that are melting the polar ice caps, raising the sea level and before we know it the world will be like in that Kevin Costner film 'Waterworld'. If we're to believe this then the future is bleak - a world where I'll have to trade in my motorbike for a jetski and put my shed up on stilts.
But I have trouble believing all this, and while there may be piles of evidence to prove that climate change is happening, there's also piles of evidence to show that it's happened many times before without the aid of Chinese factories producing useless toys to go in MacDonald's Happy Meals, and Jeremy Clarkson going sideways in a cloud of tyre smoke in the latest V12 supercharged Mercedes. It's pretty clear that man's contribution is pretty insignificant compared to what the planet achieves all by itself, but at the rate we're going the temptation to do my bit to raise the temperature a few degrees by buying something with a nice big V8 is growing by the day. As Tesco says - every little helps!

The daily commute will be so much more fun when the Fens are flooded again.