Thursday, 17 January 2013

Straight from the horse's rump

I'm sure that at some time I've uttered the phrase "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse", and thanks to Tesco there's a fair chance I actually have. And you know what? I couldn't care less.
I daresay issue could be taken with the misrepresentation involved in selling horse meat in a product labelled beef, but as far as the issue of eating horse is concerned I'm totally unfazed.
A horse is just an animal like any other, and just because some people choose to give one a name and ride it doesn't put me off in the slightest. I'll eat pretty much anything.
Some people get all funny about the idea of eating rabbit, but once you've removed the extremities, skinned and gutted it, it cooks up into a very tasty casserole. I've shot, prepared, cooked and eaten a number of things including rabbit, pigeon and crow and also a pheasant I hit with the car.
Nowadays people get all shocked when I mention these things, but there have been times in the past when the consumption of these creatures was perfectly common as the availability of meat was not as easy as it is now.
In fact I think it would do people good to have to deal with the acquisition of their meat from its original source from time to time to remind them of what they're dealing with. The supermarkets isolate them from the reality by doing all the icky stuff for them and presenting the prepared product in a form that doesn't have a recognizable face.
Would people think quite the same way about a burger if at some point they were faced with having to put a bolt gun to Ermintrude's head before hanging her up by the feet and slitting her throat? Probably not, but at least it might instill a little respect for the animal and the process. Mandatory work experience at an abattoir would be a good addition to the national curriculum for schoolkids.
I'm finding it hard to think of any animal I wouldn't eat if it was put in front of me on a plate. I've had parrot fish, octopus and all sorts, but I'd probably draw the line at fresh oysters because after all it's just snot in a shell but I suppose they barely qualify as an animal anyway. I had to dispatch a myxie-infested rabbit once and I didn't consider eating that, and city dwelling pigeons are disease ridden bastards that live on garbage so I'd avoid those. But aside from creatures that are best suited to being sealed in a biohazzard container and dropped into a furnace, and anything that still has a pulse, I think I'd try most things.
So there we are. Thanks to a news article about a few people being outraged by something trivial (for a change) I've managed to come up with yet another post about food and yet strangely I don't feel too guilty about it. After all, food is something we all have in common unless you're a supermodel. It's part of the holy trinity - food, drink and sex. And thanks to food we get Nigella Lawson with whom I'd happily share all three.

Mmm, looks tasty. Now where's my rifle....?