Sunday, 30 December 2012

Prepare to be vajazzled

When someone recently told me about something called vajazzling I was a bit confused. So I've done a little research to find out more (thank you Google), and I'm still confused.
Vajazzling basically involves the decoration of a womans freshly waxed pubic area with shiny things.
Now as a man I can honestly say that I'm never looked  down at the old chap and thought "What that really needs is a bunch of rhinestones in the shape of a heart to really set it off, and while I'm at it maybe I'll paint the spherical bits gold so they look like christmas baubles."
So why on earth would a woman want to do this? Granted, at least it's not permanent like a tattoo (god, you really don't want to get me started on the tattoos on women thing) but it does raise some questions.
Firstly, why go to so much effort on something that's going to have such a limited audience? Get your hair done and everyone can see it but I seriously doubt you could go showing that off to all and sundry without raising a few eyebrows.
Also, if you've gone through what must be such unimaginable torture having all the hair ripped out in the first place, why would you just replace it with something resembling Michael Jackson's favourite glove? I'm by no means a fan of the 'scary hairy' look and if the short and curlies are making a bid for freedom out of your knickers and down your legs then maybe it's time to do something about it. Regular tending of the garden with some judicious topiary never goes amiss - after all, a nice picture is always better mounted in a decent frame.
But as a strictly heterosexual bloke I can't help wonder what would make someone want to adorn one of natures most beautiful creations with bits left over from homemade greeting cards. I mean it's bad enough getting a blackberry seed stuck in your teeth let alone a miniature fake jewel.
At a time when women are increasingly and unfathomably drawn to body editing involving ugly great tattoos and piercings in inadvisable places I dread to think what we're going to see next.